Dear Mrs K
I’m freaking out because fantasising about my ex having sex with his new girlfriend is the only thing that brings me to climax at the moment. I’m seeing a non-starter ‘don’t want a relationship’ kind of guy and we’re being fairly honest about the fact that it’s a rebound for both of us. I’m really confused about what this might mean.
Lucy, 29, Bridport.
Dear Lucy Bridport
Don’t get me started on rebound sex. This is a battlefield where some conquer and some get left sobbing in the mud with their friends. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that the rebound doesn’t do it for you, he is simply a vehicle for release and it bears no reflection on your sex drive and preferences. You’re not over your ex and deep down you know the rebound is probably thinking of his. It’s OK not to be over your ex at this stage, you know that don’t you? A break-up is profoundly deranging and our sex drive (that most strange and temperamental thing) takes a battering.
Thinking of your ex having sex with his new partner is pretty rude and pretty wrong therefore a fabulous way to get yourself off. I’m so happy that you can orgasm in this scenario and it is a sure sign of progress. You are owning this – taking your ex and his new girlfriend, holding them up and then wanking all over them is an action of great force. You are a powerful woman exercising ownership and release, release, release…
I’m sure you know that it’s a mistake to cling to the rebound. Great humans waste years on these hollow affairs. The rebound should be approached essentially as a less depressing way to masturbate now that you are on your own. See the fantasy through and emerge with less baggage on the other side.
